008. How Women Lead by Serving, Seeing, and Lifting Others

Real leadership isn't about positional power or fear-based tactics. It's about serving the people you lead. Seeing them. Mentoring them. And building them up until they're strong enough to do the same for someone else.

Women are natural leaders—not just because we nurture, but because nurturing is a form of service. And service is the highest form of leadership there is.

In this episode:

• Why real leadership is servant leadership—and why women are uniquely equipped for it
• The most powerful thing you can do to inspire someone: see them
• Why mentoring is one of the highest forms of leadership that exists
• What happens when you lead without looking back—you turn around and nobody's following
• How to build the right team by matching people to roles instead of trying to fill every gap yourself
• Why zero ego, humility, and transparency aren't weaknesses—they're the foundation of real leadership
• Why building your replacement is actually the goal—and what it means to truly help others rise
• The difference between leading for yourself and leading for the people you serve

0:56 – Lead by Example
2:27 – Servant Leadership
3:16 – Mentoring Women
4:06 – See Your People
5:28 – New Leader Mindset
7:02 – Build the Right Team
10:30 – Ego-Free Connection
14:00 – Women Supporting Women
16:08 – Respect and Feedback
18:43 – The Becoming Question

The Becoming Question:
Who are you leading for—yourself or the people you serve?

Connect: @melissathompson.19

Watch/Listen: bellame.com/becomingher

You are not late. 

You are not behind. 

You are not finished. 

You are in the making.

Stay in the making.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Women are natural leaders. They always say we're natural nurturers, but I think being a nurturer is a beautiful attribute of serving others, of leading others. I believe wholeheartedly in servant leadership. I think the root of that says it all. It's about serving the needs of the people you are leading. Because you can have a title, but that's positional power. It is not inspirational and it's not showing people the way. Welcome to Becoming Her. I'm Melissa Thompson. This is a podcast about lifelong evolution. For the woman who knows she's not finished, not behind, not late, just in the making. And that's exactly where you're supposed to be. Leadership is not about positional power. Leadership is all about serving others. Unfortunately, many times it can be mistaken for dictatorship, telling somebody what to do. But the very act of it is to lead, to lead others. And how do we best lead another? It's through example, modeling exactly what you would want to see in the person you're leading. And it's an interesting concept in today's society, in the world where everybody wants to be seen, but not necessarily lead. And there is a big difference between performing as a leader, having a title as a leader, and I'm talking about in every aspect of the word, whether you're in school, whether you're in the workplace, whether it's amongst a friend group. There is a leader usually in every pack. But if you think back to a leader in your world that gave you so much to go on that led you in a way that inspired you to be more, it all filters down to not telling you you had to be more, but instead showing you, showing you what's possible, leading the way. And that art of leading, I believe is something we so desperately need. When it comes to women in business, I think especially, you know, women are natural leaders. They always say we're natural nurturers, but I think being a nurturer is a beautiful attribute of serving others, of leading others. I believe wholeheartedly in servant leadership. I think the root of that says it all. It's about serving the needs of the people you are leading because you can have a title, whether that's CEO, whether that is a vice president or whatever title exists in the group you're in, you can have the title, but that's positional power. It is not inspirational and it's not showing people the way. We have so much room for growth amongst women, not only just leading, but through mentoring. And I believe those are very close things. Mentoring is the highest form of leadership, it isn't always knowing exactly what to do, it's inspiring and showing the way. And the company that I lead has a group of leadership that is predominantly women. And when I compare that to what I've seen in my prior worlds of corporate, not only in the beauty industry, not only in social entrepreneurship, but truly just across the board, it has always been predominantly male. I think the beauty of what I see with women leading is the ability to own that nurturing aspect and to allow it to flourish. The most powerful thing you can do to inspire someone else and lead them is to see them. And seeing them, if you're leading and never looking back and expecting people to follow because you're not lighting the way literally, you might turn around one day and there's nobody following you. You can have the highest position in the land. But if you're the only one in the room, you're talking to yourself. So staying connected to who you're leading is one of the most effective ways to lead in a powerful way through true servant leadership. Whether you're leading one person or a group of thousands, it is important that you understand their why, not yours. For me personally, that means understanding that leadership has a lot of different pathways from being a coach to that mentor to sometimes being a psychiatrist and a cheerleader and whatever that person needs. If you're just new into leadership and trying to understand how to take on the role of leading your group, your team, your workplace in school, understand that leadership, it can be scary. It's a responsibility. And sometimes we don't all feel up to the task. But that's where the beauty of it comes in, is to be transparent and honest with yourself, first and foremost. The number one piece of advice I could give anybody, you don't have to have it all figured out. You get to take the time to understand what you need to do to regroup, to lead that team, to give directional feedback, to be able to understand because true leaders don't always have all the answers, but they understand and have the humility to work hard to figure out where they're looking to go. And sometimes that truly takes planning and taking a deep breath. I know for one, in leading thousands and thousands of women, sometimes I just need to give myself the grace to stop, to sit down, quiet my mind, allow myself to think it out, to understand what the end goal is. Because as a team of any size, you're all working towards the same goal. For example, if you are in a workplace environment and leadership is new for you, what is the end result that you're looking to get to? What are the things that your team needs to do? The best thing you can do as a leader is to help the right people. And it's almost like fit them into the right roles, give them the right tasks. And your job, your responsibility as the leader is to identify where those gaps are. It doesn't mean you personally have to fuel and feed and fill every single gap. I think that's a myth of leadership. We think we have to do it all. Instead, the best leaders find the right people to surround themselves with, and they also find the people within their organizations or networks or teams that have that beautiful gift that complements what they do. You don't have to be a know it all. You can live in your true authentic self. I think, especially as women, we have been taught for so long that when we lead, oh no, we're bossy. And it's not. Knowing what you want, knowing what the end goal is, that's powerful. Bringing people together to work towards that same goal in a collective effort, that's brilliance. And I personally believe women do it beautifully. We are natural-born nurturers. I get that. But one of the best attributes of being a true leader is nurturing, being able to identify and see the need. You are simply like the best matchmaker. A true leader takes the need and the person and the activity that can fuel that need and puts it together. That's what fills the gap. Not that they have to do it all themselves. I think that is a big problem in leadership, that we naturally want to do it all ourselves. We feel we can take over, we can do it better, it's easier than explaining. But the art of leadership is serving others. And you can't serve others if you're not investing in them. Think back to the most powerful leadership you've ever been under. That could have been at a school, that could have been at a neighborhood group, it could be in your friend group. Everybody has that natural leader in their organization of whatever community and size you're in that takes the lead on everything. What are the beautiful attributes you see in that person? Are they collectively able to get the buy-in for the bigger goal? How are they then translating that and filling the gap? It is a beautiful thing to watch women lead. It's even more beautiful to watch younger women step into leadership roles. And leadership itself is an ever-evolving process, just like becoming. It is something that every single day we can invest in ourselves as leaders. When you think about even beginning to lead a brand new team, what if you step into a situation where you don't know everybody and you're expected to lead with one common goal? The number one thing you can do is get to know the people you're leading. I recently did something with my team and had them all fill out fun little surveys, not your typical, here's what personality I am, and here's how deal with me, but an actual what I respond to, what I need, actually looking at what our vulnerabilities are. But I didn't just ask them to fill it out. I did it myself. I was fully transparent and vulnerable with them because any team, it's a mix of chemistry, of diverse backgrounds, diverse expertise, and things that make it powerful. But you know what they say? A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Our job as a leader is to identify that weakness and not toss it, but instead engage with it to strengthen it. And the only way you can do that is truly by getting to know people and putting the needs of the team ahead of your own. There is zero room for ego in leadership. Absolutely zero. And I've watched plenty of leaders, both male and female, do just that. I've been in situations where people think that because they have a title, that it's a kind of bow down to me kind of atmosphere, that's the worst situation a leader can be in. Because not only does the respect disappear, but any buy-in for the greater good of the team is jeopardized. So, number one thing is truly being able to connect. And as you're leading, as you're walking and showing the way, check back behind you to still see if people are following you. Constant check-ins, constant buy-ins, constant understanding, not just spewing out a bunch of directions and walking off. I think as women, that is something that we need to learn. I don't believe we were taught that for the most part. I know that personally, the situations I've dealt with in my career, I have been told to not raise my eyebrows during a meeting. Because that is, that makes me look bad to be pleasant and keep my smile. But yet I've watched male counterparts, and it's not just male, because this can happen with females too, but I have watched male counterparts walk into a boardroom, the same boardroom, by the way, the exact same one, throw a temper tantrum and walk out. And everybody might as well just applaud because he showed passion. And I showed another word that I can't say online. But the truth is, that's not leadership as well, right? That the true sense of leadership is understanding that you have buy-in. You do not lead through fear and scare tactics. And that is the beauty of being a woman in leadership. And also truly embodying mentoring other women. I've been in plenty of circles where leadership is shown throughout the women I'm sitting with, not just one, but all. And when a group of leaders come together, that's a very incredible sight. I've also been in the same kind of rooms with people who don't believe in leading each other. Instead, everybody competes. It's comparison. It's done through scare tactics and it's done through always trying to have one up on the other person. And that leads to a bunch of complaining, a bunch of really nothing and no movement. I'm fortunate enough to be in an industry and lead a brand of thousands of women leaders. And when a movement like that comes together under one roof, that's that's absolutely amazing. Because when women focus on lifting others, we all rise. We all rise together. And being able to be that example in your own leadership network is something to be proud of. That's what you leave legacies on. So whether you're a leader in your own family, whether you're a leader in your neighborhood or your community, it's actually meaningless unless you're bringing somebody else along for the ride, unless you're showing others the way. The best leaders, they build their replacements. The best leaders, they're always looking for somebody better than them because it's about improving the team as a whole, the next level of whatever it is you're doing, and bringing that leadership to the table. And once you're in that leadership position, the key is respect. Whether things are going good or really bad, respect is always the number one pillar is being able to have the critical, crucial conversations. So many people find this one of the hardest things to do is to give honest feedback and not just give, receive. But let's talk about the give first. Being able to share what you've identified. And remember, you can only identify if you've actually connected and watched and listened, and be able to share where they can improve, what can make and enrich their activities, and do it respectfully, one-on-one, never in a group, but truly being able to sit with them for the better of that person. If you always go forward with you are a servant leader, you'll never miss the respect part. And being open to the feedback coming back, like being receptive to what's happening and why they're sharing what they're sharing. Maybe it's a critical conversation where you have to talk to somebody about being late every day in your situation. Maybe you're in a workplace and they're late every day and it's causing something, or they're late on a project and you're in a study group. It doesn't matter what it is. You still have to have the conversation. You're not going to bring it out in a public forum. You're going to have the respect and courtesy to treat that individual as the human that they are. And you never know the reason that's happening behind the scenes on that. And I think the number one things that I would also say, they're all number one because it's all important. And it really does have to do with respect. As a leader, it's always okay to admit when you're wrong. In fact, people being confident in your ability to lead is showing that you're human. I've been in situations where it's the complete opposite. The leader is never wrong. And you may never question, they can never be wrong. That loses credibility immediately because everybody's human. And being able to admit and learn with your team, that's priceless. So my becoming question for you today is who are you leading for? Yourself or the team you're serving? Thanks for joining in. Remember, you are not late, you're not behind, and you're not finished. You are still in the making. Keep becoming. Thanks for being here. If you know someone who needs to hear this, send it to them. And if this resonated with you, comment down below. I'd love to keep this conversation going. Make sure to follow along on YouTube and Instagram for daily updates. You can find everything in the description. See you next time.