007. Nobody Made a Seat for Me, So I Built My Own Table

I grew up wanting straight hair, green contacts, and a different nose. I wanted to be somebody else entirely. Then a boy in ninth grade told me he couldn't date a Mexican girl—and I carried that into every boardroom I ever walked into, no matter how high my title was.

That was then. This episode is about what happens when you stop trying to fit into somebody else's seat—and build your own table instead.

In this episode:

• Growing up Latina in a town that made her feel less than—and how that shaped everything
• Why comparing yourself to magazines was bad enough, but today's girls are comparing themselves to AI-generated robots
• How launching 25 foundation shades (from fairest to deepest) was a non-negotiable from day one
• Why nobody made a seat for Melissa—so she built her own table and made room for everyone
• The chip on her shoulder that became the fuel for everything she built
• How a community-led brand model changed everything—and why pulling back the curtain matters
• Why online bullies didn't stay in eighth grade—and why elevating women is the only interesting act
• Social media boundaries: why the pretty grid isn't real life, and why the good stuff lives in the messy

1:29 – Learning Self-Love

2:06 – Prejudice and Insecurity 

3:39 – Social Media and AI Beauty 

4:35 – Building Inclusive Beauty 

7:10 – Make Your Own Seat 9:34 – Bet on Yourself 

12:08 – Community-Led Brand 14:14 – Authenticity in the Messy 

15:53 – Motherhood and Perfection 

17:41 – Social Media Boundaries 

19:55 – The Becoming Question

The Becoming Question: What in your life has taken your joy because you've allowed yourself to compare your real world with somebody else's non-authentic one? And don't you deserve to embrace the real, messy, beautiful truth of your life?

You are not late. You are not behind. You are not finished. You are in the making.

Stay in the making.

Connect: @melissathompson.19

Watch/Listen: bellame.com/becomingher

You are not late. 

You are not behind. 

You are not finished. 

You are in the making.

Stay in the making.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I used to envision what I would look like, looking like somebody else. I wanted a different nose. I wanted different features. And I thought I could just fix it all because I thought I needed to be fixed. Now young girls are comparing themselves to robots, to AI-generated content that is sci-fi. Nobody made a scene for me. Nobody. So I had to make my own. Bet on yourself. Bet on yourself. Do it. Everybody says it is impossible. Welcome to Becoming Her. I'm Melissa Thompson. This is a podcast about lifelong evolution. For the woman who knows she's not finished, not behind, not late, just in the making. And that's exactly where you're supposed to be. I want to talk about authentic beauty. I want to talk about loving who you see in the mirror. I think that, not I think, I know, that we've all done it. I grew up as a young girl anticipating the day that I became a young adult so I could have straight hair, dye it, and get green contacts. I thought my life would be perfect. I used to envision what I would look like, looking like somebody else. I wanted a different nose. I wanted different features. And I thought I could just fix it all because I thought I needed to be fixed. It took me a while to realize that the person I saw in the mirror, my nose, I have my granddaddy's nose. I have my mother's eyes. I have my grandmother's spirit. It's like really loving yourself authentically, that's a whole new level. And when you think of social media and what we have to compare to, when I was growing up, we didn't even have that. I had magazines. That's it. And magazines and TV shows. And I wanted to be like them, not like me. I always felt less than. Always, always. I was moved to an area in Texas when I was in ninth grade, eighth grade going into ninth grade. And I think that formed so much of my anxiety of wanting to change. I grew up in El Paso, Texas, and Mexican was normal, right? I I didn't really know anything different and moved to a town that was something I had never experienced in my life, which was prejudice. I I, my very first boyfriend, who I he said I was beautiful and everything else. And now we're talking ninth grade, same area, stopped dating me, didn't want to come see me, and had to tell me that he could never tell his parents that he was dating a Mexican. So he dumped me, broke my heart, and it formed so much of who I am to the fact that working in my corporate roles, there wasn't a boardroom I went into, even with the best highest idols, that I didn't think everybody sees that Mexican girl. Insane, right? Insane. I questioned everything about myself. So I just wanted to be somebody else. I wanted to be in somebody else's skin, literally. So I dreamt of the day I could change the way I looked. I never thought I was pretty. I always thought I was frumpy and I was living up to something else that didn't even exist. But that was then. And now I think of all the young girls who don't just compare themselves to something they shouldn't. They're scrolling social media, seeing, they're seeing face filters everywhere. They're seeing AI generated content. It was bad enough that I was comparing myself to a version of me that should never exist. Now young girls are comparing themselves to robots, to AI-generated content that is sci-fi. See, I'm a believer that very soon, if not already, you'll be scrolling social media, you're gonna see wrinkles, you're gonna see pores, and you're gonna think, wow, that's beauty. Because it's real. And I think our world more than ever craves authenticity, transparency. That's why I created a beauty company that embraces everyone. I used to work at brands that I couldn't even wear shades because they weren't meant for warm tones, darker skin. When we launched foundations, even though it's a tiny brand, that let's face it, introducing a makeup line at any beauty brand is a very expensive endeavor. And there are brands that launch with 10 foundations and they're all light colored. I have a wonderful friend and dear, dear friend and makeup artist who taught me it's about the beautiful diversity in shades. Makeup artists, professional, carry around 10. They can because they can go from very light to beautifully dark and combine whatever color they wanted. And it gave me ideas. Light bulbs went off. But I said I would never launch until I could afford 20 shades. I'm happy to report we have 25 and off the same theory that she has, from the very lightest and fairest affairs to the most beautifully dark and warm. And I'm proud of that. I'm proud to represent women and the beauty that we are. We don't all fit in one little shape or size or box. Beauty is diverse and beautiful. It's culture, it's warmth, it's loving that nose that your granddaddy gave you and not wanting to be somebody else. That's important to me. That's at the core of our brand because it's about beauty from within. And you can't truly deliver on beauty from within unless you're real and authentic. Our industry has a long way to go. And perhaps because let's face it, the majority of brands in beauty are run by men. Maybe that's the starting problem. Now I'm fired up.

unknown 6:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

And gosh, we're so hard on ourselves as women. And men too. You know, I gave birth to two little boys, and and I'm blessed to have two stepsons and I have grandbabies now. And the world can be a very dark place. So it's up, it's up to us to make the light. It's up to us to show that there's something brighter because we can't all live in this disparity and anger and hate and everything else. I chose beauty because I could make a difference in beauty. I chose the beauty business because I could make a difference in the transparency of business. I got tired not of sitting in the wrong seats. That sounds, that sounds like an easy way for me to explain why I ventured into this side of everything. I got tired because nobody made a seat for me. Nobody. So I had to make my own. And forget that I made my own table. And with it, I made room for enough people to sit around that wanted to be at the table. Because when it comes to beauty, when it comes to business, when it comes to elevating people, we all can lead that charge. It doesn't have to be you have to start a brand. You can do that today. You can do that from where you're at. There have been many, many days that I can go back to what I went through as a young woman, as a very young woman. That first time. And I say first time because there've been so many instances in my life as well as so many people's lives where they can they can pinpoint where somebody made them feel less than. But at some point, we let them have that control. And it's only when you take the control back it changes. And sure, I I I'm I believe without a doubt that the hardships I endured lit that fire in my belly to uh like a roaring furnace. And maybe I had something to prove. And maybe it felt like I had a chip on my shoulder. I don't care. That chip on my shoulder pushed me forward. It made me believe I could. Going through divorce later and everything else just made me feel like that failure all over again. But the truth is, I had to keep standing up, kept doing it, kept showing up. And if anything, for my daughter, for my children, for everybody else. And now I feel God has blessed me with such abundant, unconditional love by some that not all, because everybody has haters and everybody's gonna have people who do them wrong. And we will always have an excuse to stop chasing our alignment. We will always have somebody knock us down. You could cure cancer and somebody's gonna tell you you did it too slow, wrong, or the wrong kind of cancer. I'm convinced. So if we know that, if that's like the for sure thing that's gonna happen in life, bet on yourself. Bet on yourself. Do what everybody says is impossible. You know what they say? The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change things, those are the ones who usually do it. You have to be a little crazy, you have to believe in yourself with unstoppable passion. So if that's a chip on your shoulder, if something happened to you, if somebody ever made you feel less than, let it fuel your fire. Do good with it. There's enough people that want to do bad. That's boring. Seriously. And we live in a world right now that even in your 30s and 40s and 50s and beyond, the bullies live online. I thought I left that back in eighth grade. It's not true. There are women raising women that are teaching people to be ugly, boring. Find a new act. I'm interested in women who can elevate people who can help people rise. If I want somebody to stomp on me, that's everywhere. That's old news. I stomped right back and I built a brand to invite others to help you rise. Because when you help somebody see the confidence that they can have in themselves, when you can build a life around bringing others up until they're strong enough to pay it forward and do the same thing, my friend, you've built a very happy life. Even in building a beauty brand that's based on entrepreneurship, it's been a world of men leading women, not just leading, telling women what to do. And I've had some amazing men mentors. I'm not knocking that. I've also had women that don't believe in helping women rise. That's a crime. I've built a model based on the complete opposite. We're not perfect. In fact, I don't strive to be perfect. If I fail and get back up, that's evolution. That's getting better every day. If I don't ever move forward and try and I never fail because I stay where I'm at, I stopped growing. And the day you stop growing is the day you stop living. So my entire model was built uniquely on its own. I started blogging about life and business and entrepreneurship and what people loved about it all and didn't love, about motherhood, about doing it all or trying to and failing. I started a blog. Nobody knew in the back end that a Bellamy blog would one day be a multi-million dollar beauty brand because I didn't lead with that. I just wanted to see what people wanted. It was in the background building a blueprint for what the brand would look like, from what products we would launch, what the community would look like, what the earning opportunity would be, what the training would look like, who would collaborate. They didn't know it. They were just sharing what they believed because my model represents how I view the world. Everybody has something valuable to add. Everybody has a different form of experience. God made you with your own unique talent, every single one of you. So when I built this brand, I wanted it built by a community of like-minded, passionate people. I never said I want to build a beauty brand with a certain look of people or certain expertise or certain education or background. No, I wanted the diversity of beautiful minds everywhere. And so we built. And even to this very day, I have a council that leads alongside of me to weigh in on everything. Because I can never sit and decide what's good for everybody. So the entire model is based on community-based relationship marketing, relationship building, and a community of like-minded women growing together and helping others rise. And when it's based on relationships and true community and transparency and authenticity, that means seeing the raw, seeing the good and the raw ugly. That means seeing the messy and pulling back the curtain, walking through things with people on a journey, not talking at people. So as we grew into a brand, even in our very, very younger years, we ran out of product right away. And world crisis happened in COVID, and people saw the real and the raw and the transparent background of it all. And I think it's it's important because how can you truly be a leader of a community and not share how to get through the tough times? If you only show the pretty, I'm sorry, friend. That's like showing Instagram and only showing the pretty on your grid. That's not real life. That's not the raw. That's not the real. That's not the messy. And the good stuff happens in the messy. You don't get to the happy part without it. I think we also learn within the community how to give others grace, which is very hard for women. It's very hard for women to truly not just say the words and not just hype or cheerleader language, but truly understand how to give grace and be there for one another. Even in building our brand, I have the blessing of being able to work with women of all ages. And what stood out to me and even still stands out today are how many young mamas out there trying to do it all, which is admirable, but something will take the toll. I once got on stage and showed a picture of me as a young mom with three children, trying to hold on to them all in front of my birthday cake, and I'm not even looking at the camera. One's falling off my lap, one's trying to grab the cake, one's crying, trying to get out of my arms. That was my life. I can't imagine today's world of trying to look perfect on camera while trying to also tend to little babies because the world has changed, sure, but the needs of our children haven't. I don't pretend to know what it's like to have to do that in today's world, but I do know that you, if you're a young mama listening, you don't need to carry that weight of trying to be perfect. They got robots for that now. You can literally let an AI person in another world, not yours, pretend. People crave authenticity. And, you know, back then there weren't a lot of people trying to build businesses online and social media. It's a beautiful tool. My nine, almost 99-year-old grandmother is on social media. I have aunts and uncles, second aunts and uncles, and people I get to stay connected to. That's a beautiful thing. We build a brand via this vertical. That's the good stuff. So there's beautiful things to take from it, but there's boundaries to set with it, and there are limits of letting it overflow into unrealistic expectations in your own life. You're scrolling social media, maybe you're feeling down. Maybe you have a happy marriage, but your husband didn't do what so-and-so did on this side that you just scrolled on social media. I love social media as much as the next person. But if somebody's recording all that, chances are it didn't actually happen just like that. By the time they set up the camera and did all the other things, it's not, it's not meant to put those people down. But don't you dare let that take away from your own joy or happiness. When your messy toddler walks up to you because they just dumped over a glass of milk or gone into the potted plant and there's mud everywhere. If your house doesn't look perfect, like the Instagram snapshot of somebody else's that's trying to create content, keep in mind if that camera moved over just a couple inches, you'd probably see a whole other world. And that's okay. But you know, I live in a social entrepreneurship world where you need to put claims on everything of what's real and what's not when it comes to an earning opportunity. I beg to ask the question, why aren't we doing that with real life? Why aren't we having to put disclaimers on what the real world looks like? But that's for us. That's a conversation that if you take anything from this, if it's the only thing you take from it, whether you're 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 or on, that you keep in the back of your mind like a like a little light always shining, that you know the difference, but don't believe everything you see. Trust in yourself and know that you, my friend, are powerful enough and have everything you need to bring about your own happiness. So before I leave you here today, I have a becoming question for you. What in your life has taken your joy because you've allowed yourself to compare your real world with what might be somebody's non-authentic world? And don't you deserve to embrace the real messy, beautiful truth of your life? Because that, my friend, is where all the sweet stuff lives. Thank you for hanging out with me today. And remember, you're not late, you're not behind, you're not finished. You are still in the making. Keep becoming. Thanks for being here. If you know someone who needs to hear this, send it to them. And if this resonated with you, comment down below. I'd love to keep this conversation going. Make sure to follow along on YouTube and Instagram for daily updates. You can find everything in the description. See you next time.