001. You Are Not Behind

I used to think there would be a moment when I arrived. Marriage. Motherhood. Building a multimillion-dollar business. A lupus diagnosis at 55. Each season, I thought: this is it. But I was always still becoming.

This is the first episode of Becoming Her — a podcast about lifelong evolution for women who know they're not finished, not behind, not late. Just in the making.

In this episode:

• Why we applaud toddlers when they fall, but shame ourselves for not "arriving" on time
• The pressure women carry to be perfect mothers, wives, daughters, workers — and what it costs us
• Why giving yourself grace isn't weakness — it's strength
• What this podcast will explore: the myth of arrival, when life breaks you open, how discipline leads to freedom, and the messy middle of becoming

The Becoming Question:
 What finish line are you chasing that might not actually exist? And what would change if you let yourself be enough right now?

Connect: @melissathompson.19

Watch/Listen: bellame.com/becomingher

You are not late. 

You are not behind. 

You are not finished. 

You are in the making.

Stay in the making.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

We fall. We we go backwards sometimes, and instead of giving ourselves grace, we're worried about checking off, you know, our arrival time or date, or we're supposed to do this at a certain time, or be at a certain income level, or a weight, or anything. As women, we put so much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect mother, to be the perfect girlfriend, perfect wife, perfect daughter, perfect worker. Welcome to Becoming Her. I'm Melissa Thompson. This is a podcast about lifelong evolution. For the woman who knows she's not finished, not behind, not late, just in the making. And that's exactly where you're supposed to be. Hi, I'm Melissa Thompson. And welcome to Becoming Her. So this podcast, it really is about a lifetime in the making. We never arrive. Our journey is full circle. From the moment we start, from the moment I was born, I was becoming her. And as I moved into my teens and thought I knew everything, didn't we all? It truly was something that I obviously had not arrived at because I was still becoming her. As I moved into my 20s and married and had the first of my three babies, I thought, ooh, that's it. Motherhood, being a wife. I've arrived. But that wasn't true. I was still becoming her. And as I moved into my 30s, divorced, raised three children on my own, I thought maybe the struggle and the survival was my arrival. That became who I was. But it wasn't because I was still becoming her. And that meant in my 40s, meeting the love of my life, starting a beauty brand that most people said was completely impossible to do. Maybe then, maybe then I'd arrived, but I hadn't, because I was still becoming her. And now in my 50s, I think that's where it really started to hit. Losing people that I love, understanding that I'm not invincible and I don't have it all figured out. After all, I had just created a multi-million dollar brand. Success. Shouldn't that mean that I've arrived? Then life hits you. At 55 this year, I was diagnosed with lupus and I understood quickly. I was not in control, not even half in control of my life. Giving myself the grace to understand that becoming her is an evolution of who we are, of who one day we'll be. Everyone goes through their life with different struggles. You know, when you say becoming her, it does give you a certain grace that you're giving back to yourself because it's almost like seeing yourself as that child that's developing, even if you're 55 years old. And the truth is, if you've ever raised a baby, you know that when they first start to walk and they fall, what do we do? We applaud. We want them to get back up and feel confident about that little trip because that got them closer to standing and eventually walking and running. But we don't do that as adults. We fall, we we go backwards sometimes. And instead of giving ourselves grace, we're worried about checking off, you know, our arrival time or date, or we're supposed to do this at a certain time or be at a certain income level or a weight or anything. As women, we put so much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect mother, to be the perfect girlfriend, perfect wife, perfect daughter, perfect worker. And I think that we carry a lot of weight on our shoulders. If we just gave ourselves the grace to understand how powerful we are when we fall, that we could applaud for each other so that we can get back up and not only walk but run. And through becoming her, I hope it gives you power. I hope it helps you understand your own strength that's within you and to give yourself back that same applause that younger you would have loved. Because you are still that person becoming her. And the incredible ability to do that, not just for yourself, but for the women that surround you, that is the milestone that I think would be the peak of the peak for all of us. There's enough comparison games going on on social media. There's enough people trying to figure out their life. And unfortunately, as beautiful as our social platforms are, we're on one now. There's also a big danger zone from believing everything you see behind the camera is real. And if we could break down those barriers together and understand and be transparent about what it means to give yourself grace that you are a human being in motion. If we stop growing, that's when we die. So until the day that God delivers me back to him, we are all still growing together. Becoming her isn't about perfection. It's not about a deadline or an arrival. It truly is about the messy middle and living in it and enjoying the ride. So in this podcast, we're going to be talking about a lot of things like the myth of the arrival. We're going to talk about what happens when life breaks you wide open and really understanding that the breaking is not the end. That is what will shape you, how discipline can actually lead you to freedom. And we're going to be discussing so much more because there are about a billion pathways to becoming her. And your journey, my friends, it is uniquely yours. So before we end this episode, I'd like to ask you a becoming question. What finish line are you personally chasing that might not actually exist? And what would change if you let yourself be enough? Right now, right here where you're at, in the middle of becoming. You're not late, you're not behind, you're not finished, you're in the making. Stay in the making. Thanks for being here. If you know someone who needs to hear this, send it to them. And if this resonated with you, comment down below. I'd love to keep this conversation going. Make sure to follow along on YouTube and Instagram for daily updates. You can find everything in the description. See you next time.